What does Healing mean to you?

By Julia Lipkis and Kathleen Hylen 

On August 12, we held our third WordView conversation Healing was the topic at hand, animportant concept that served as the culmination of our earlier

WordView discussions on Divisions and Solidarity. The group discussed what healing meant to each of them, and the process by which we can learn to heal in the face of divisions. 

Healing happens from within. 

Julia: As the moderator of this session, the first question I asked was: “What comes to mind when you think about healing?” The responses generally fell within two camps. There’s physical healing, such as recovery after an injury or illness, and then emotional healing, which happens after some type of harm has been caused, One participant spoke about the hurt she experiences from the accumulation of daily microaggressions. In both cases, the consensus was that healing is ultimately a deeply personal journey that can look different for everyone.

Kathleen: Someone also pointed out that the emotional hurt is harder to heal because there’s no scar to see. A scar is evidence of healing, it's how you track progress until one day it just doesn't hurt anymore. Not so with emotional pain. It's also more difficult to heal when the harm is inflicted by people that we love and trust. As one participant pointed out, we can become angry when this happens.

The role that emotions play in the healing process cannot be understated. 

Julia: At the beginning of each of our WordView sessions, we introduce our ground rules. One of our rules insists upon the importance of emotions within these conversations, and that we should seek to focus on what someone is saying without objecting to their emotional expression. Several members of the group expressed their appreciation for this rule, but added that sometimes it’s important to look at emotions, especially those of fear and anger, and understand where they come from.

Healing and forgiveness are not the same, but are part of the same journey.

Julia: “Forgiveness allows you to heal or move on” is a phrase often associated with the healing process, the implication being that it is ultimately impossible to heal without forgiving those who caused offense. Our group wasn’t so sure. One participant stated that while she used to believe that forgiveness is the ultimate goal, our conversation may have changed her mind. As stated earlier, healing is a deeply personal process and sometimes, depending on the situation, distance is needed instead in order to truly heal. Others felt that while forgiveness is a beautiful concept, it may not be the goal--instead we should focus on healing ourselves or our community.

Kathleen: The issue of faith and how forgiveness is portrayed in that tradition also arose. I wonder what role forgiveness plays in other religions and how that affects their view of healing or their ability to heal. I am reminded of when I was working with international students and there was a tragic accident at one of the schools. I was surprised to hear that when the news was delivered to one of the families, a Muslim family, they mourned of course but also accepted it as Allah’s will. That really left an impression on me. And after this conversation, I can’t help wondering if believing that makes healing easier when something tragic happens.

Healing is a journey that begins with self-reflection.

Kathleen: In that same portion of our conversation a respondent talked about the intimacy you have with someone and how that affects healing – they defined intimacy as “fully knowing someone and fully being known by that someone.” I interpreted this as meaning that having that person can help you with healing. But I also feel that the people we trust the most are the people who can hurt us the most and who might be the hardest to forgive. We assume they would never mean to hurt us so how could they have said or done what they did? In the same vein, maybe we are more eager to forgive them so healing comes more quickly.

Julia: The process of self-reflection or inquiry is crucial when working towards healing. What may I have done to cause or propagate the hurt? How can I draw upon my lived experiences to make sure I am not causing harm in the future? I was reminded of some of our conversations during our session on solidarity, in which people expressed how comforting and helpful it was when allies simply were there to listen and understand. This was reinforced by one participant’s experience of a campus-wide healing session, in which people were given the space and opportunity to express their own experiences with anti-Asian sentiments. Not only did people feel less alone, but also found a sense of community and solidarity in the idea that they could freely express themselves.